adversity, bjj, improvement

Generic self centered post #23

I got a new job, and I’m pretty excited to start. My old job, which I’m leaving on Tuesday, drapes me in a rich and luxurious cloak of despair. But I’m moving to a start up company, and shit is about to get real. I plan on working a lot more, and training a lot less, and that was really stressing me out, inordinately so. To the point where I couldn’t sleep. So last night I got shit faced and had an epiphany: I tend to turn the things I like to do into obligations, and then I wind up not wanting to do them any more, because they feel like obligations.

It doesn’t help that I’m task oriented, in the worst way possible, meaning that I see activities as things to conquer and then move on from. It’s all part of the very Anglo-Saxon colonize/exploit/destroy/leave mind frame. I’m constantly worried that if I do not put my time in, I won’t “beat” Jiu Jitsu, Obviously you can’t really beat something that is part of a never ending continuum of learning and growing. But somehow I made it my task and my obligation to go to class and improve, where it should be more a gentle goal; a nice glowing light in the horizon to walk towards. Know what I’m saying?

There is no end goal. I’m not stabbing my way through a hallway past trained assassins to win a million dollars. I’m not in a pie eating contest. I can’t “win” in the traditional sense. Which makes me feel a lot better about myself, and my training.

OH! I ALMOST FORGOT. SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT. My new job is at 3rd Ward Philly. It’s a great coworking and skills development space for all people. Check it out at www.3rdward.com. I’d love to see you there.

 

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