A couple of days ago I thought I almost broke my neck. In reality it probably wasn’t even close, BUT I LOVE DRAMA and want to make it seem like I almost got hurt when actually this is a complete non-story.
I was thrown by a drop seoi nage by someone much, much shorter than me. Not a child or a midget, but still pretty short. If you don’t know, a Drop Seoi Nage looks like this:
It looks cool, and the fall is surprisingly easy to take. But like I said, my partner was much shorter than me (about a 18 inches) so things go complicated. Let’s unleash the power of MS Paint. and break it down.
FIGURE 1: The Start. As this shows, my partner has entered in and is underneath me, starting the throw. Both of us are upright, with the arrows showing the orientations of our heads, and the dotted lines to show our trajectory. But as you may notice, the diameter of my opponent is muuuuuch smaller than mine, effectively shortening their turning/throwing radius. This will become important.
Figure 2: My head is now parallel to the ground, and I am being pulled up and over by my opponent. We have yet to enter into the crashing awkwardly phase. But that’s going to happen soon.
Figure 3: This is where things get tricky. My opponent’s tiny body allows them to start torquing me over sharply. However, I’m turning like a gentle wave breaking upon the shores of dreamland. My head is now at a forty five degree angle to the ground as my opponent begins the end game of trying to tuck their elbows in and accelerate me down to the mat.
Figure 4: Unfortunately for me, my gentle arc is cut short by the earth. If I was a little shorter, (or my opponent a little taller) our trajectories would be a little more simpatico and I would completely rotate through the throw into a nice gentle roll over my shoulder. Unfortunately, my partner is finishing up, while I’m still only about 75% done rotating. Thus landing right on my forehead. If I was smart I’d try to figure out the physics of how much force was exerted on my skull, but this is America and science isn’t important or relevant anymore. To put it in modern terms, “Shit hurt real bad and I thought I was fucked up.”
Figure 5: This part never actually happened. But if I died, would you come to my funeral? Do you ever think about who would come to YOUR funeral if you died? Sometimes I want to fake my own death just to find out.
SEE Y’ALL AT THE CROSSROADS.