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BJJ Lifestyle

I haven’t been to class in two weeks, so I really can’t claim I’ve been living the BJJ lifestyle (whatever that means).  Here is a list of the lifestyle’s I HAVE been living.

-BBQ Lifestyle
-BBW Lfestyle-
-M4W Lifestyle
-NWA Lifestyle
-TLC Lifestyle (the band)
-NWA Lifestlye
-DAD Lifestyle
-MWD Lifestyle
-XXX Lifestyle
-JPG Lifestyle
-OMG Lifestyle
-GMO Lifestyle

I’ve been busy.  So don’t judge!

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adversity, bjj, disgusting, fat people

A Brazilian Ways to Die

Here’s a helpful hint-

Just because you do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, do not go to the Brazilian BBQ food cart in South Philadelphia and think your stomach can handle it.  It can’t.  Maybe if you are some kind of hyper intelligent goat who can read, then yes, go ahead and eat at the cart, goat.

But if you are human, take a hard pass.

If this was a role playing game, by consuming “CONSUMING BRAZILIAN BBQ FROM A CART” your character would gain the following attributes:

  • -10 going to work
  • +5 Doo Doo
  • +5 writhing skill
  • -20 Charisma
  • +3 Weird Stomach Noises.
  • +1 Parasites that last the remainder of the game.

I guess I can chalk it up as a cultural experience.

 

 

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A po-wem, bjj

All My Old Gis (Are Sad and Lonely)

My closet is  Golgotha
A garden of old gis
in a sad forgotten pile
in a too small Rubbermaid bin.

I’m sorry I don’t wear you anymore.
And I’m sorry my cat pissed on a few of you
But you stink too much
And you are too frayed.

So you sit in the dark,
like a pack of cranky hobos
abandoned by the world
and huddled around a flaming barrel.

Do you dream gi dreams?
Of  swimming in the washing machine?
Or is too dark and lonely,
In my spare bedroom where I play video games.

But you were too big on me, white Michado.
And I couldn’t get the smell out of you,
Kimono Fighter and Blue Atama.
So I’ll see  you all in hell, someday.

Until then, sit in my closet.
Your ruined palace of cotton,
Waterloo of canvas pants,
and dream of better days.

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